you mean i was at the winter classic?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
