That's intense
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
