This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize