He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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