Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
