he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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