Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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