rhymes with "ouble enetration"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
