Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
