I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
