im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I need to stop coming to work sober
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
