At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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