I showed him my bush... on skype.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
