Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
