Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
