If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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