we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
