I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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