His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
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He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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