bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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