chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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