If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
