My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
