You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
