Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
