I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
