Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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