Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
