There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
