Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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