Screwed.edu
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize