I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
