You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
