Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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