literally had 100 drinks last night.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
