Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
