Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
