if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You took a bar mat shot.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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