I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
