I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm just crazy horny about you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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