try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
