I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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