yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
ok first of all what the fuck
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