i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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