i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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