Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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