my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
