at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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