maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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