I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
