wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
