non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
