I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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