This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize