you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
