I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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