i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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