I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
