Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
