yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
