I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
