I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
