Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
