So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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