my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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