:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There's always time for handjobs
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
