They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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