they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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