just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
