I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
